Doris' Doily Mail

right luvs forgot to tell you about me new course - I've cooked up a right concoction for all you would-be clowns and it's about time we started spreading more joy and love around what with all the nonsense there is going on in the world. So to help tickle the global funny bone, I'm teaching a one year course in "Playful Presence" - visit:http://www.clownwithin.com for all the low down.

"Delighted to offer this training,
I'm sending a call out to those,
Ready to dive in the deep end
To follow the sacred red nose"

see you on the bright side, luv doris x

Hello luvs, it's high season here in Ibiza, hot and sunny and full of party people having fun. Apart from those in the menopause. So for all who are sweaty from a different kind of flush, this poem's for you. I always say cotton pants are the answer to life's problems. They don't deal with global warming and war of course, but they do keep the heat out of the home - and what better place to start healing the planet ? If we want to be warriors for peace, we've got to have a cool bottom half.

LET’S CALL IT SUNBURN !

Menopause is on its way,
Bottoms that have drooped,
I’d love to join the party,
But inside I’m cooped -
Trapped here in a prison,
Unable to fly,
I think it’s ‘cos I’m frightened
It’s nearly time to die.
Mid-life crisis - all is change
Nothing seems the same,
Irritated, overwhelmed,
Moods we just can’t tame,
I might be nice one minute,
Another teeth will snap,
Cool and calm, collected,
And then a flood of sap
Pours throughout me system,
Fever in a rush,
Fans are working overtime,
I’m having a hot flush !
Chop me hair and dye it red,
Lipstick bright to match,
Smiling in the mirror,
Turn around then catch
Specs skew-wiffy, bang me head
Upon the open door,
Trip on high heels I can’t wear
Then end up on the floor.
It’s all downhill from now on,
But the truth won’t show,
If they ask me what is wrong,
I’ll say “Oh luv, you know -
Weather’s very hot today,
I’ve just got slight sunburn”,
When they get to my age,
Then perhaps they’ll learn.
Youth is passing, bodies change,
Things you used to do,
You can’t manage anymore,
So I’ll stick to me loo -
I’m safe inside that bathroom,
There I can pretend
I’m twenty-five all over,
Not going round the bend,
Not getting old, not sagging,
Not sprouting everywhere,
Not achy in me muscles,
Nor shaped just like a pear,
Not sleepy when the sun goes down,
Not asking “What’s life for?”-
You can’t escape this phase you know,
It’s Universal law.
So I say just surrender
To cellulite and hair
And try to love it all you can -
Who said life was fair ?

Luv doris the new age guru x

www.dorisandfriends.com email: doristlc@hotmail.com