Wednesday, February 13, 2008
SOFTWARE EXPANSION
hello luvs,
funny how time waits for no man, nor woman for that matter - though we do like to take our time, (especially when it comes to shopping.) I dunno, someone said lately you can't fix emotional pain with shopping, but then he wasn't a woman. I do like a browse now and then, but not round the blooming internet. Do you remember when you could actually go out and buy something from a real live person ? I think this virtual reality is very dodgy meself, but then I am 82, and in my day I only had a mangle. How life's changed eh ? All these computers doing fancy tricks and sending messages all over the place. I still reckon though if you want something doing properly, don't count on a machine. Not unless it does a very good wash. Right with that in mind, here's one of me ditties about the worldwide web we're weaving. Let's just make sure it sparkles. Happy Springtime, luv doris x
SOFTWARE EXPANSION
Adobe is an acrobat, he tumbles to and fro,
If you right click on this here link, a document will show,
A picture in the top right box and text down to yer left,
But if you click on left too soon, the page will be bereft
Of just the vital part you need to make yer day go well,
Oh bum ! I’ve tipped me teacup over - Blimey, look at Dell,
All over me keyboard, the early grey has flown,
I’ve got me J cloth out to mop, but too late, screen’s just shown,
A danger warning, - you have just performed a fatal trick,
Yer business hasn’t got a hope, the acrobat’s gone sick !
He’s floating in a sea of tea, he’s got no earthly chance,
Of doing flashy MP3’s or video lap-dance,
He’ll never spread the message of yer bright new bold ezine,
And you stayed up all night to write - inspired and so keen.
The mailing list’s a nuisance too, there’s far too many folk,
Some who use the internet, for others it’s a joke,
So now there’s lots of envelopes and stamps you’ve got to lick,
Then several hundred email links yer finger has to click.
Some just get returned too fast, recipient’s gone away -
He had better things to do than read emails all day.
Time was, it was a pleasure, a message to receive,
But with these blooming computers, it’s like a sack to heave !
The letters that the postman used to bring right to yer door,
You have to carry them yourselves, and every day there’s more !
Oh well, I s’pose it’s just a case of buying more software,
A hundred pounds or two or three, and I’ll not have a care -
A man in the United States will play at Postman Pat,
While I write to me neighbour by clicking Skype free chat.
In the past we used to share a cup across the fence,
But round these parts, community relations are quite tense,
I’ve got Morrocco on one side and Germany next door,
They can’t see eye to eye, it seems they’re plotting the next war,
I’m Switzerland, I’m inbetween, a neutral garden patch,
I’m keeping peace, and “mum’s the word”, but key’s not in the latch.
Any road, I haven’t time to spend with ANY friend,
We’re all too busy typing out “new message” and then “send”.
I wonder if I will forget the sound of someone’s voice ?
If I sit here too long, I might forget I have a choice -
It sometimes seems they rule our lives, the internet’s the boss,
Well, I don’t think it’s right, it will be everybody’s loss
If we forget the human touch, apologies and hugs,
“Adobe, I’m so sorry luv, I’ll buy some bigger mugs”.
I reckon I’m a mug indeed, pretending at this game,
I’m better dancing wild, and living well outside the frame.
The rigid boxes on this screen, they hold my soul in check,
I can’t do acrobatics, I’d be a nervous wreck !
I better find a man who can, so I can stop this farce,
Of sitting here typing all day, it’s all gone to me arse,
I’ve put more weight on, stuffing cake and stuffing anger down,
Playing at a Secretary when I’m just a clown.
I know these New Age ezines are positive and fun,
But how many of those Gurus have got a great big bum ?
I’ve got to go to Weightwatchers, it’s Monday evening’s class,
My tail is right between my legs - it’s trying to hide me arse,
If they ask me what I have done to fall behind and binge,
I’ll tell ‘em ‘bout this acrobat and have a good old whinge.
By flashing all his thighs around and tricking me with lies,
About the things that I could do to make me profits rise,
How could I have been so blind ? Now it makes me cringe,
I can’t be seeing properly, it’s time to cut me fringe.
I reckon that’s the answer, my acrobatic days
Are twenty years long gone now, I’ve been right through that phase -
I tumbled in a circus, and fell over the mat,
Playing at an acrobat in a Policeman’s hat.
It’s time for a new hair cut to let the real me out,
I’m going to dye me roots bright red, stand on the roof and shout,
Whoever’s out can hear me, I’ll spread me news that way,
I’ll open my mouth, wide and big, to bring a brighter day.
It’s sunny on that rooftop, and there’s a great sea view,
I’ll practise Yoga, sing and laugh, to celebrate the new,
Woman, I am here indeed, an apron deep and wide,
Upon the airwaves on my broom, I can surely ride.
Forget Adobe, acrobats, ezine news to get,
It’s far too tangled, I’m not getting caught up in that net,
I’m not spending all my days in front of this small screen,
I’ll watch the weight fall off my thighs while dancing like a Queen !
A secretary I will pay to whack emails about,
And if the stamps need licking, the dog’s tongue’s usually out.
If I need new software, my lingerie I’ll change,
As within, so without, I’ll buy a fancy range.
No doubt the internet will catch up with me one fine day,
I’ll teach it how to bake a cake and relax for its pay.
I’ll show how thought waves pure and light can carry message bound
For hearts that need to open wide and hear my special sound.
There’s laughter in the air tonight, I’ll raise a special toast
To all those fancy websites, their servers and their host,
Behind them there are people, just like you and me,
Bill Gates, he’s my brother, but my world wide web is free !
funny how time waits for no man, nor woman for that matter - though we do like to take our time, (especially when it comes to shopping.) I dunno, someone said lately you can't fix emotional pain with shopping, but then he wasn't a woman. I do like a browse now and then, but not round the blooming internet. Do you remember when you could actually go out and buy something from a real live person ? I think this virtual reality is very dodgy meself, but then I am 82, and in my day I only had a mangle. How life's changed eh ? All these computers doing fancy tricks and sending messages all over the place. I still reckon though if you want something doing properly, don't count on a machine. Not unless it does a very good wash. Right with that in mind, here's one of me ditties about the worldwide web we're weaving. Let's just make sure it sparkles. Happy Springtime, luv doris x
SOFTWARE EXPANSION
Adobe is an acrobat, he tumbles to and fro,
If you right click on this here link, a document will show,
A picture in the top right box and text down to yer left,
But if you click on left too soon, the page will be bereft
Of just the vital part you need to make yer day go well,
Oh bum ! I’ve tipped me teacup over - Blimey, look at Dell,
All over me keyboard, the early grey has flown,
I’ve got me J cloth out to mop, but too late, screen’s just shown,
A danger warning, - you have just performed a fatal trick,
Yer business hasn’t got a hope, the acrobat’s gone sick !
He’s floating in a sea of tea, he’s got no earthly chance,
Of doing flashy MP3’s or video lap-dance,
He’ll never spread the message of yer bright new bold ezine,
And you stayed up all night to write - inspired and so keen.
The mailing list’s a nuisance too, there’s far too many folk,
Some who use the internet, for others it’s a joke,
So now there’s lots of envelopes and stamps you’ve got to lick,
Then several hundred email links yer finger has to click.
Some just get returned too fast, recipient’s gone away -
He had better things to do than read emails all day.
Time was, it was a pleasure, a message to receive,
But with these blooming computers, it’s like a sack to heave !
The letters that the postman used to bring right to yer door,
You have to carry them yourselves, and every day there’s more !
Oh well, I s’pose it’s just a case of buying more software,
A hundred pounds or two or three, and I’ll not have a care -
A man in the United States will play at Postman Pat,
While I write to me neighbour by clicking Skype free chat.
In the past we used to share a cup across the fence,
But round these parts, community relations are quite tense,
I’ve got Morrocco on one side and Germany next door,
They can’t see eye to eye, it seems they’re plotting the next war,
I’m Switzerland, I’m inbetween, a neutral garden patch,
I’m keeping peace, and “mum’s the word”, but key’s not in the latch.
Any road, I haven’t time to spend with ANY friend,
We’re all too busy typing out “new message” and then “send”.
I wonder if I will forget the sound of someone’s voice ?
If I sit here too long, I might forget I have a choice -
It sometimes seems they rule our lives, the internet’s the boss,
Well, I don’t think it’s right, it will be everybody’s loss
If we forget the human touch, apologies and hugs,
“Adobe, I’m so sorry luv, I’ll buy some bigger mugs”.
I reckon I’m a mug indeed, pretending at this game,
I’m better dancing wild, and living well outside the frame.
The rigid boxes on this screen, they hold my soul in check,
I can’t do acrobatics, I’d be a nervous wreck !
I better find a man who can, so I can stop this farce,
Of sitting here typing all day, it’s all gone to me arse,
I’ve put more weight on, stuffing cake and stuffing anger down,
Playing at a Secretary when I’m just a clown.
I know these New Age ezines are positive and fun,
But how many of those Gurus have got a great big bum ?
I’ve got to go to Weightwatchers, it’s Monday evening’s class,
My tail is right between my legs - it’s trying to hide me arse,
If they ask me what I have done to fall behind and binge,
I’ll tell ‘em ‘bout this acrobat and have a good old whinge.
By flashing all his thighs around and tricking me with lies,
About the things that I could do to make me profits rise,
How could I have been so blind ? Now it makes me cringe,
I can’t be seeing properly, it’s time to cut me fringe.
I reckon that’s the answer, my acrobatic days
Are twenty years long gone now, I’ve been right through that phase -
I tumbled in a circus, and fell over the mat,
Playing at an acrobat in a Policeman’s hat.
It’s time for a new hair cut to let the real me out,
I’m going to dye me roots bright red, stand on the roof and shout,
Whoever’s out can hear me, I’ll spread me news that way,
I’ll open my mouth, wide and big, to bring a brighter day.
It’s sunny on that rooftop, and there’s a great sea view,
I’ll practise Yoga, sing and laugh, to celebrate the new,
Woman, I am here indeed, an apron deep and wide,
Upon the airwaves on my broom, I can surely ride.
Forget Adobe, acrobats, ezine news to get,
It’s far too tangled, I’m not getting caught up in that net,
I’m not spending all my days in front of this small screen,
I’ll watch the weight fall off my thighs while dancing like a Queen !
A secretary I will pay to whack emails about,
And if the stamps need licking, the dog’s tongue’s usually out.
If I need new software, my lingerie I’ll change,
As within, so without, I’ll buy a fancy range.
No doubt the internet will catch up with me one fine day,
I’ll teach it how to bake a cake and relax for its pay.
I’ll show how thought waves pure and light can carry message bound
For hearts that need to open wide and hear my special sound.
There’s laughter in the air tonight, I’ll raise a special toast
To all those fancy websites, their servers and their host,
Behind them there are people, just like you and me,
Bill Gates, he’s my brother, but my world wide web is free !
